I had the privilege of spending thirteen days as a student with the U.S. Armed Forces in Panama in a negotiation program for hardcore professional negotiators who engage in “Peace Talks” during war time. It was the most brutal program I have ever taken. It dissected the human mind like a surgeon for one purpose.  The purpose was to manipulate through the use of unconscious strategies to get intended results. It was based on “Win at any cost!”  Three days of this program focused just on reading body language and eye movement so that you can determine if someone was lying or telling the truth.

I have taught negotiations for thirty years and mostly to professionals who find themselves in formal negotiations as part of their job responsibility. My goal was to teach not to manipulate, but how to not become a victim of manipulation by those who suffer from a lack of integrity. In other words, how to not fall victim to those sharks that don’t care about a win/win result. By knowing what the techniques and ploys are, you cannot be a victim of them. But first you must learn them and recognize when someone is using them on you.

The definition of negotiation is, “When two or more people interact so that they can alter or change a relationship.” If you ever do this, you negotiate.

Remember the old TV series “Candid Camera?” They used a ploy that was taught at my brutal class in Panama. They hung a sign above the entrance of a popular department store.  The sign said in large print, “Danger, only walk on white squares!”  The floor had checker board squares of black and white one foot in diameter. They then put a hidden camera up and filmed customers and employees come through the door when the store opened.

Grown adults read the sign, paused for a moment as they looked down at the tiles which appeared as normal as always. It was hilarious to watch grown adults slow down and walk the floor of this department store by carefully placing each foot only on the white squares as they traveled from department to department. The most shocking footage and funniest of all, was watching a security officer who had worked in the store for over ten years. He took out his flashlight and examined the black squares and then carefully placed each one of his boots only on the white squares as he traveled to the lunch room!

What’s the point? This is called the Legitimacy Ploy. It plays on the fact that most people will believe it if it is in writing. For some reason, we tend to feel that because it is in writing, it has more power and must be real. It must be true if it is in writing. See, it even says so right here.

Ever heard of the Blue Book value for automobiles? This is a good example. If it states it in the Blue Book, then it must be true. Yet most people don’t know who really writes the Blue Book but surrender that they are authorities. This is used all the time in sales. Next time, question the Blue Book and provide your own legitimacy by doing a little homework ahead of time.

Let me give you a hint when it comes to the Legitimacy Ploy. Question it! Those who question legitimacy often will stun those who are using it. Learn to say “So what!” Not out of disrespect but out of keeping options open. Especially when it is used to manipulate and you feel it in your gut.  If legitimacy is not questioned, it grows in power. Question it and the one using it must defend its source, and most of time, they do not know who wrote it either. Therefore, it usually becomes ineffective.  Of course, if you try this with a police officer if you are caught speeding, you will have a learning experience as some legitimacy is warranted for our safety. You will know the difference. 

The negotiations class called “Negotiate with Integrity” will teach the appropriate way to recognize ploys and skills like legitimacy, emotional ploys, the walk out, stand offs, hand and eye language, impending event ploys and many more. It will also show you how to diffuse and create a relationship where everyone gets what they want. When someone is attempting to manipulate you, this class will show you how to walk away with power and confidence.

If you think that you are in a profession where you don’t ever negotiate, think again. If you are a parent, you negotiate. If you are in any career where you need something from someone else, you negotiate. If you are a student who must interview for college or a job someday, you will have to negotiate. Even buying a car will be a platform for negotiations. I have designed this one day program for everyone, no matter what you do for a living.

For more information click on Negotiate with Integrity.