Bullying is a problem and should be taken seriously.  When a child is being bullied in school they can often feel completely helpless and self esteem dissolves into shame and unworthiness. I know this experience very intimately.

If it wasn’t for a bully, Warrior Spirit would not be what it is today. When I was bullied by another kid in the third grade, it was my first experience with terror, humiliation and a sense of aloneness.

My mother’s way of dealing with this was to say: “You go and let him have it and just fight him! Don’t make us ashamed of you.” This was not the response I really wanted to hear, especially because he was twice my weight and at least a foot taller than me. My solution eventually was to hide in the bathroom during recess and lunch. In fact, a few of my friends, other victims from the same bully, created a rather efficient “look out” system of eating our lunch in the bathroom.  One of us was posted on “look out” at the door while the others stuffed down their lunch. Then we relieved the look out and changed positions. You learned to eat your lunch in record time!  In other words, we learned the art of how to cope with the problem. Coping is prolonging suffering for another day.

Eventually, we were given the greatest gift any third grader could receive at Ashland Elementary School. Our bully moved to another city and school. A temporary relief, but the feeling never left. It sparked a career of learning how to take care myself in martial arts and boxing. And most of all, a fascination with fear and the effect it has on people.

This being said, the problem of bullies has reached epidemic proportions. Many parents express their frustration and anger of how to deal with bullies and their children.

One young graduate at a recent Leap of Faith approached me on Sunday and shared with me that his younger brother experienced a brutal physical attack from an older bully at school. This young man’s immediate response was to lash back and beat up the bully, although he held back and approached me for advice. This was the right thing to do, and I honor him for taking a path of nonviolence in this situation.

I am writing this article in response to this young graduate and many parents who have written with this concern. I am working on a new program and researching appropriate responses for our children. I just want you to know that I am aware of the problem. Please consider enrolling your children in You’ve Got the Power.  We teach kids how to first avoid bullies by changing how they respond to this kind of bully behavior.

To not attract a bully is the first step. How to talk to a bully and respond with power and confidence is the next step. No bully will approach a kid who appears confident and powerful enough to take a stand. We have also taught children how to physically defend themselves against a bully, but this is always the last resort.

I am taking a serious stand and researching, along with law enforcement, the rights of children in this situation. Sometimes schools do not understand that children are protected under the same Federal and State Laws that adults are. The parent must first be made aware how to talk about bullies with their kids. A child needs to feel that you are an advocate for them and not someone who will ridicule them or force them to take action they are not capable of performing.

The second step is to make sure that you instruct your kids to do what is legal and within the law and in alignment with the school policies. Each school deals with bullies differently. You must first know your school’s policies intimately and then your confidence will grow when it is time to take a meeting with the school official. Your child should not be present at that meeting.

In the "Keep Kids Safe!" class for kids, we talk about fear and give the kids an opportunity to feel it and respond in many powerful ways. It has a dramatic effect on their perception of the challenges that are present when parents are not around. Children who take this program tend to have a more positive and confident attitude about bullying. I would highly recommend having your child take this class as it would be a good start to build confidence and increase their trust in their ability to care for themselves.