I remember the day Jeff and I stood in a circle with family and friends and said our vows of love. Seems like yesterday I was getting up on our wedding morning and preparing for that beautiful day.

Jeff's boys, and my son, then 4, 6, and 8, were all dressed up so handsomely in their suits. My daughters, ages 13 and 16, fixed each others hair and makeup; they looked so gorgeous. Our friends and family helped us set up and create the environment and were so supportive and warm. I loved the cake. The catered dinner was amazing. The day was surreal for us…exciting, but like moving through a time warp or something. Jeff and I both felt that. It was a day unlike any other.

This year in April, we celebrated that we have been together for seventeen years. We are nearing 6,400 days of learning about life and relationship together.

Every adjective I can think of describes my time spent learning about being in relationship with Jeff. After this much time together, I don't think anyone escapes the roller coaster of emotion from one end of the spectrum to the other. I didn't know that when I was first married at 19 years old. Back then, I truly believed that someday my prince would come and we would live happily ever after every day for the rest of our lives.

Through the duality of living in relationship, I've been taught to see much about myself, come to understand more and more, and learned to face the ugliness within and without, as well as the beauty. It's not always been easy.

My ego loves to scream and kick all the way to heaven. The weird thing to come to understand is that it's really been heaven all along. The time spent in ego hell has been heaven's way of softening my heart so it can find its way to compassion. What a trip! The duality of the ego's perspective creates the heaven/hell experience, and when I am able to view life through the eyeglasses of Spirit, there is no duality. This is relationships greatest lesson.

So, this has been my greatest lesson and my greatest challenge in relationship...to continue to see Jeff as representative of all human beings and sentient creatures...through the eyes of Spirit, instead of through the eyes of my ego, patterns, limited beliefs, learned behaviors and assumptions. Jeff has been a profound teacher. Through the very limited perspective of my own ego, Jeff has been a man like any other, with human traits and tendencies just like my own...his set of patterns, limited beliefs, learned behaviors and assumptions.

At the same time, seeing through the eyes of Spirit and being in relationship with Jeff for seventeen years has brought me glimpses and experiences of the power and potential of living In Spirit...In Service to Spirit...in heaven on earth. I've witnessed Spirit in a body...the moving expression of God through a human man who can open hearts like no one I've ever met, whose sensitivity and eye of beauty can express through hands I love into works of art. I love Jeff's hands.

I've been gifted...divinely Gifted in this relationship to be aware of the opportunity to sit with Spirit as I am taught about what it means to be fully human, to witness and experience the pageantry, the utter spectacle, of having an ego and witnessing an ego all at once. It's the greatest game on earth. It's a work in process. My friend Warren likens it to an onion, unfolding and unfolding layer upon layer for the rest of this life. 

Relationship is a rocket ship to personal transformation. I believe it is the ultimate daily spiritual practice. Marriage to Jeff has brought me light years ahead in my own unfoldment. I could never find words in the English language that would begin to express the gratitude that I feel for the man I love and call my husband. He has been a slingshot to God for me.

Over the coming months, I look forward to sharing more with you about what I’ve learned along the way as I’ve grown up in relationship to those who have chosen to call me family and friend. I’ll be writing about the good and the not-so-great stuff, conflict, tough times, money, parenting & children, how to keep the fire burning, priorities, choices, and much more. I welcome your questions and comments. See you next month!

In Service,

Laurie

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This article marks the launch of a new monthly e-news column focusing on relationships written by Laurie Nelson Alexander. She welcomes your comments and questions to Laurie at WarriorSpirit dot com. To receive monthly articles, click here:

SEE VIDEO: Laurie and Jeff talk about Berserker Relationships

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