Insanity or Awareness

Insanity or Awareness - Choose!
by Dr. Jeff Alexander

Recognize the Insanity

“Look at your life. Look at what you are doing, and how you are living!” Prophets throughout the ages have all said this in an attempt to help humanity wake up to a new way of living. They spoke of suffering, sin, peace and heaven on earth. Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” He taught that it was possible to “Be happy. Look to the lilies of the field, the birds of the air.” He suggested we learn from the stillness of nature that is void of ego.

Jesus offered simple teachings of how to live a life of abundance. By abundance, he didn’t mean to collect or accumulate a lot of things. An abundant life had nothing to do with accumulation of things. Heaven on earth did not mean that someday there would be a shopping mall on every block. He and others taught of the quality of life and a deeper spiritual experience consisting of joy and everlasting peace.

Many of these teachers were not understood. Their teachings were added to and became distorted by those who followed them. Some were ridiculed, judged and put to death. Some were worshiped and religions grew from those who followed them. Unfortunately, the original essence of their teachings was lost and instead of ending violence and hatred, the dogma created more violence, hatred, separation and division between people. In order to empower the dogma, others had to be made wrong to strengthen the need to be right. This fed the egoic process. This justified killing others for the sake of “our God versus your God.”

Today, all religions point to the same essence. The original teachings were all born from the same spiritual spark igniting the hearts of those who really heard what was being taught. “Love one another. Love your enemy. Be kind and see all people as children of God.” If you dig deeper, you will not find any declaration from the masters to, “Judge and condemn people who do not believe as you, and kill others in my name.”

2,600 years ago the Buddha spoke of suffering. He said that the way out of suffering was detachment. We have been blessed to have great beings offer profound teachings. So, why are we still suffering? Why have we not changed our ways and created the heaven on earth that Jesus spoke of?

The insanity of violence that results from the “us versus them” thinking comes from our misperception of fear. The ego disguises many natural experiences into a false view that promotes separation leading to the creation of enemies. This has perpetuated since man began to identify with the mind rather than the heart. Most people have grown to believe in the reality of form and physicality over Spiritual existence.

The bottom line is the ego creates a false image or idol. Your body has experienced many stories that now live in the past. The ego brands this as you, your story associated with your body. You have a body, a mind and the ability to experience life. Your body will eventually turn to dust, but you will go on forever as Spirit. Thus the commandment, “Thou shall not create any false images (idols) before me.” In other words don’t worship the form- it is impermanent. You are a spirit having a human experience, rather than a human having a spiritual experience. You are Spirit playing and exploring the world of form. To move through your life void of Spirit means you will wander in the wilderness for a long time searching for the answer to peace. It is not external; it is internal. That is what is meant by “The kingdom of heaven is within you.” It will never be found in form or by accumulating more from out there.

The ego is nothing more than a bundle of thoughts we have identified with as our individual self. The ego’s main function is to keep itself fed and secure. It views relationships as a means only to an end. Relationships are used to strengthen its identity. The “other” then becomes either someone you can use to your benefit or an enemy that could take what you have. Many experience complete joy and “true seeing” when they first connect with each other. They recognize spirit and sense it in the soul. We grow spiritually lazy and eventually the awareness of spiritual recognition fades, and the ego takes over.

This core ego context eventually infiltrates all experiences. It is the primary reason for the destruction of intimate relationships. The romantic relationship today eventually turns into a need relationship tomorrow. It is not possible to experience love when need is the primary context for being together. The other person is seen as separate and a possible threat. If they are someone you need, someone who “completes you,” you will introduce fear into the relationship and eventually destroy the original essence that first brought you together. Just thinking of the possibility that they might leave you is enough for you to attempt to manipulate yourself and them. You no longer truly see each other. This becomes the new platform that all your actions, thoughts and predictions arise from. It is the primary cause of suffering in intimate relationships.

We are Spiritual beings. We get lost in form because the ego has a false sense of self. It needs to satisfy the thirst for accumulation. The need to accumulate strengthens the identity of the ego. Getting more form adds to the illusion. The ego empowers itself by playing a game that will never end. Why would the ego ever engage in a game that would some day be over? Never reaching the destination is part of the process. The very structure of the ego has within its design to never get to the end. Egos will not commit suicide. This would mean its death. To engage in a game that never ends, ensures ego a long life. “It will all turn out after you do the next thing or accumulate more of what you already have,” says the ego. Just notice your past and see if this is true. Has it turned out yet, or is there still more to do?

The quest for enlightenment is a popular goal egos love to engage in. Even those who have given away all their possessions, if done so as a means to enlightenment will soon discover they have only a conceptual life of spirituality. The suffering will continue. The millionaire who demonstrates gratitude and compassion will get into heaven before the righteous spiritual seeker who has given away everything but now judges and feels superior. Your ego will keep you on the path of enlightenment, forever.

Of course this all happens at the expense of the host, your spirit. We use form to interact and feel our world. Many live their entire lives run by ego. They go all the way to the end never reaching fulfillment until they finally collapse. On their deathbed, the body form is not capable of accumulating anymore and grows quiet and transparent enough for Spirit to emerge. That is why for some, their awakening moment is just before they pass this world. They see the truth. They realize the senseless acquisition of things has not worked and is no longer necessary. They open up to the Spiritual light that is now able to shine through the transparent form. They are tired and finally surrender to life. And in this moment of peace, they can see.

What we don’t know we often fear. We can’t tell if the “other” is going to take or give, so we must be cautious and only trust a few that we recognize as friends or family. But even friends or family can suddenly turn into the enemy when egos are in charge. This can make for paranoia and the sense of being alone. This pattern has been in existence since man first walked the earth and identified with his mind.

I call this normal mass consciousness. It is not natural. The masters came to teach us a natural way of living. They came to help us recognize the insanity of living this way. So the first step out of suffering is to first recognize the insanity of your own thinking mind. In order to escape the prison of the ego, you must first realize that you are in prison. This awareness is the first step. Without this awareness, there is no escape.

God has ensured humanity with a failsafe experience that will eventually get you to awaken to your spiritual self. It is called suffering. Suffering is an experience that motivates you to move away from the pain and into God’s embrace. The pain associated with suffering will make you take action sooner or later. You can let suffering motivate you or you can choose to remain conscious and aware. If you make awareness your primary purpose, the suffering is no longer necessary.

The Voice in the Head

To recognize the insanity of identifying with your ego, you must be aware of the voice in your head. “What voice?” If this is your reply, then that which just said, “What voice?” is the voice I am referring to.

I would like to share with you a story. When I was attending UCLA Dental School in 1975, I was walking back to the campus after lunch one day. I noticed a middle aged man walking a few feet in front of me. He was by himself and heading in the same direction. There was no one with him, yet he was speaking out loud to himself. He was obviously upset about something. Shaking his head, gesturing with his hands as he walked, his conversation took on an animated performance that I could not ignore.

As I approached the medical school, I noticed that he was still in front of me and was heading down the same hallway. “Is he a patient on his way to the psychiatric department?” I was headed down the same direction and stayed behind him a few steps. His conversation never stopped and at times escalated so loud that people stopped and stared. It appeared he was arguing with some invisible adversary shaking his head “no” with an outstretched finger jabbing at the air.

He approached the same door I was headed for. What? How can this be? He obviously knew where he was going as he deliberately passed through a door labeled “Employees, Students & Faculty Only.” I continued right behind him. “What? Who is this guy and where does he work? ” I had difficulty believing that he could actually be part of the institution I was so proud to be associated with. I attempted to follow him just a little more. Unfortunately, the elevator swallowed him up before I could get there, and I never found out where he was going or whom he was.

Later that day, I found myself in the public bathroom still thinking about that insane man. What condition or disorder was he suffering from? I was looking in the mirror while washing my hands. I mumbled under my breath. “How could an insane person work or teach in this institution. Does anyone know? I hope I never end up like him.” I remember rolling my eyes and shaking my head, “Poor guy, hope he gets help.” I had not noticed a man also washing his hands standing next to me. He seemed uncomfortable wondering whom I was talking to.

“Oh my God! I am already like that insane man. I didn’t even notice what I was doing. I was in a conversation in my head and somehow it got out. The insane man talked out loud. I talked mostly in my head. I had not even noticed that the “voice in my head” became external. I became unconscious and did not know what I was doing. What is really the difference?

The insane man paid attention to the voice in his head and acted out externally. Am I not doing the same thing? If he was insane, then I must also be insane! I laughed out loud as I became aware of my moment of insanity. Of course, it wasn’t too long after that that I forgot about the whole incident and continued with my normal life for the next thirty years.

The voice in the head is the ego. The ego thinks it is you. The you I speak of is the real you. You are spirit, and this cannot be described by the ego. Egos cannot describe what they can’t see. Spirit is nothing but a concept to the ego. It is a thought. Egos can only fabricate thought. Egos are structural by nature and can only process concepts not reality. The ego personality has collected enough stories in your past to declare that this is who you are. The moment I became aware of what I was doing in that bathroom, the voice in my head stopped, and I became present. I was not thinking. I was observing my behavior.

In that moment of realization I became present and aware. This is what the Buddha meant when he said, “The way out of suffering is through detachment.” To become aware, you must distance yourself from your thoughts and actions. You are detached and the watcher of your mind. This makes you the observer rather than the victim. You have thoughts; you are not your thoughts. You have a mind; you are not your mind. Awareness is the space and ability to watch yourself without judgment. The moment you observe your thoughts, the voice in the head stops and the ego becomes silent. You are watching in the present moment, the now. The ego and the voice in your head can only survive in the past or the future. The ego has a conceptual view of your world, not a real view.

The voice in the head has only two choices of focus. The ego lives in time and can only dwell on thoughts of the past or the future. If you identify with your thinking mind and this becomes your only way of moving in the world, you will live entirely either in the past or the future. This means you are not present. You are not here. Many people go through life never experiencing the joy of being present and rooted in the now. This causes an anxiety that cannot be healed with anything you purchase or accumulate.

Awareness is the key that unlocks the prison cell. Thinking without awareness is the greatest disease humanity has ever experienced. It is the reason for all violence and wars. This is why the masters said, “Stop, look at what you are doing! Look at what you are thinking! You have the ability to create heaven on earth. Just look to the birds of the air, the flowers in the field to teach you.” Nature doesn’t think. Nature is present and speaks to our natural inclination to be one with nature and each other.

Laying a Graduate to Rest

About ten years ago I met a man at a medical conference in California. He was a brilliant scholar and the Chief Psychiatric Physician of Mount Sai Hospital in Southern California. His name was Dr. Ron Rae.

He was intrigued with my work and took the Leap of Faith in June of that year. He was 50 years old, physically fit with an energy that was contagious to all who met him. I liked him instantly. We became good friends after the Leap of Faith and conversed frequently by phone and email. He was touched by my message and made a point of referring his closest friends and associates to my program.

It was November of the same year, and I noticed I hadn’t heard from Ron for sometime. One afternoon, I got a phone call from one of Ron Rae’s closest friends. She had just completed the Leap of Faith a couple of weeks earlier. She called to inform me that Ron Rae died. Her soft voice shared that, “He had checked into a hotel, wrote a suicide note and shot himself. Jeff, he mentioned you in the note.”
Every cell of my body grew numb. The voice in my head grew silent. Stunned, I could not speak. She went on to say, “In the note he requested that you perform the eulogy at the funeral.” I had trouble answering and could barely get out, “Of course, I will.”

I immediately scheduled a flight. The shock was still kicking in when the FAX machine interrupted the silence. Before my eyes, the transmission on the machine produced the letter that Ron wrote before he took his life. She had sent it for me to read. It was as if Ron was sending me the letter from another dimension. He was very present at that moment. As I read the words, my eyes grew warm with tears.

I flew down to California and spoke at my friend’s funeral. I was honored to have such an impact on him in such a short time. After the funeral, his best friend approached me. She was the one who called and sent me the letter. She asked if she could bring Ron’s ashes to my property in Washington for a final resting place. She stressed how the Leap of Faith had a positive impact on him. She wanted me to know how significantly my work had touched him.

A week later, my wife Laurie, Ron’s friend, now holding a vase of ashes, and I entered our beautiful forested land in Washington. As we walked in silence, I found myself contemplating my work and teachings. I wondered if I had somehow failed my friend Ron. “What could I have done differently? Could I have stayed in touch more, maybe altered the sequence of events?”

While passing a giant cedar tree, I became aware of something profound. I whispered to myself, “Even now, the voice in my head is dwelling on the past and bringing forward feelings of guilt. Wow, even now, the ego is at work.” As my awareness grew, I noticed with spiritual clarity that I had allowed the ego to infiltrate the experience of this beautiful ceremony. I immediately became at peace and grew aware of what I was doing.

I was about to lie to rest a wonderful man who I had not even known a year ago. He had been so touched by my work that he thought of me as he left this life. Of all people in his life, he asked that I be the one to speak about him. His trust in me was felt in my heart and silenced the voice in my head. The compassion and gratitude of the human heart are the greatest silencers of the ego. Ron loved the Leap of Faith. He now will lie under a young cedar tree we planted. His ashes will mix with the soil and carry the nourishment to the young cedar.

I noticed that the forest had no voice, no judgment or guilt. The forest only had a reverence and sacred knowing that this moment is what the masters and prophets spoke of. This was a moment of God and recognition of all that God is. Life in all its miraculous glory is to be celebrated, especially when tragedy and loss are at hand. For it is in loving and cherishing each other that we honor God and all creation. And with this, the ego finally subsides and is laid to rest as well.

Some might say that Dr. Ron Rae had succumbed to the voice in the head and his suffering got the better of him. Some might say that he was a man who just couldn’t cope with the day-to-day challenges that life comes with. No one will ever know what or why Ron Rae did what he did. It is more important to know that he was a good man and that he is now part of my sacred forests and will live on forever. He became like the lilies of the field. Ron now knows what the cedar knows.

The gift that Ron gave me was to engage more in my awareness of my life, rather than the content of my life. The content is where the stories, people and events take place. They are important and to be enjoyed. However, they are impermanent and eventually all end up in the same place like Ron’s ashes.

I will share with you a few lines from Ron’s letter before he took his life. He wrote, “Please Jeff, I would be honored if you spoke at my funeral. I know you will know what to say. I love your work with Warrior Spirit and support it with all my heart. I am done with this life. There is no more for me to do here. Jeff, please continue with your work. Make things right on this planet and prepare the way for a better life when I return.”

A Choice

Every time you observe your ego and become aware of the voice in your head you enter the dimension of Spirit. Every time you notice your behavior and how you are taking action on the thoughts in your head, you sit in the seat of choice. What choice you ask? The most important choice you will ever have in this life is the choice to lay down your sword to your own negative thoughts. This means to notice, not judge. To become aware and in the awareness, you become the observer rather than the victim of your own suffering mind. You become what the masters taught. You become a flower, a giant cedar and join all God’s creation as it was destined to be.

This is your rightful heritage and the greatest adventure for any human. This is a good time to be alive. This life is the one you are living, so make the best of it. To do this, you must become aware of your mind. Be kind to yourself as you stumble and fall. Just get up and keep going. That is the berserker attitude. Judge not your mind, your little voice nor the ego. It is not the enemy. It is God’s creation and part of the adventure called life. It is not the purpose of the ego to cause suffering. The ego is just a child who is not capable of running your life. It is a great servant but a lousy master. The ego has the unpleasant task of unconsciously causing suffering. When you have had enough of suffering, you will eventually move into the spiritual human you were created to be.

The day will come when your story will end. The flesh and your story will be over. Your spirit will continue on for more adventures as it merges with the Creator. And like Ron’s ashes that become one with nature, you too will merge with all life. I will meet you along the way.

And the next time you catch yourself talking out loud to that little voice in the head, celebrate. This awareness is an invitation to join those who co-create heaven on earth. You have just entered that sacred path of the masters and prophets. You are at the point of choice. And I trust you will choose to follow your heart. It is a short cut to heaven.